We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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