Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
