can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
