That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize