Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
