The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
