I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
