I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize