why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
