Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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