final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
