yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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