I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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