I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
