how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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