I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
