You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
