Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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