She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
