I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
