Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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