He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
