Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
