So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
