Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
