cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize