Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
