I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
