So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
