i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
