SEEEEXXX PLEASE
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
