Soap is not a condiment
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
