Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
