You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
