Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
