I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
