I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
