Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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