my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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