Kiss
Puke
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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