i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
