if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
