Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think my moral compass just broke
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