Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
