Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
