No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
