toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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