I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
