Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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