he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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