I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
