You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
