I wish my penis had an off switch
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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