Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
