I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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