i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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