its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
