Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
