I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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