Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
