I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
