There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
