I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
