in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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