One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
