i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
