bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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