I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize