I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
