I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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