So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
high people should be assigned attendants
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
