It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize